I hear persistent praise from prominent influencers in favour of vulnerability – supposedly an essential requirement to create trust – and I am a little concerned by how this preaching trickles down in corporate contexts.
This might be a cultural thing: the main sources of the advocacy for vulnerability are American, a place where private and professional spheres might be more blurred than over this side of the Atlantic. For instance, one of the twelve questions of the Gallup engagement survey goes something like: would you encourage your best friend to apply for a job in your company? In France this question typically does not “work”, because overall, people would rather not work with their friends (or spouse by the same token).
The reason why I am suspicious of using vulnerability as a condition to create trust, is that I have seen it used 1/ to no avail and 2/ with dubious intent. Two examples of that:
- Some time ago, I was working with the local GM of an American-HQed biotech. He participated in a mandatory programme aimed at developing high performing teams in the US, led by a guru. During a “fostering trust” workshop, all GMs had to “confess” their deepest vulnerability story, with a view to bonding the team. He mentioned one of the female GMs, who shared a miscarriage with much emotion.
- I recently worked for the leadership team of a global company. Following a merger, the leadership team was virtually renewed. The global HRD asked them (and each regional leadership team in tow) to read a book about vulnerability she recommended and think about how it led to trust, then take action – suggested it could be embedded into corporate values. The LT first meeting started on this and sure enough, the members were invited to share their own vulnerability story, two people sharing the loss of one or both parents at a young age. I attended this meeting and many more, and to this day, I don’t think I ever saw an improvement of trust or of performance due to vulnerability. Better understanding no doubt, compassion for sure. But trust?
What is trust?
I am an empathetic person, I focus on the human side of business, my work and heart are with people. But I am also a realist and a business-person. What we do in a company is work together. We are neither family nor friends, even if we sometimes are lucky to form friendships with people we meet at work. Trust at work may mean many noble things: authenticity, sincerity, respect, solidarity, reliability. Already, reaching those would be a treat as far as I am concerned.
May I also remark that in some male-dominated industries or hard skills-focused environment, being vulnerable is not perceived as a quality, as it is often confused with weakness. If this is true for anyone, what about women? Women can too easily be called “emotional” (at best) to feel comfortable confessing or displaying vulnerability.
So, I recommend that consultants, coaches and decision-makers tempted by these approaches, should be clear on what the intent is, clear on how showing vulnerability and exposing oneself will really change things for the better and handle it with care. And be prepared to support people who accept to do so. One does not mess with bare soul lightly.